I have business questions
Tax time approaches, and I sincerely hope that Revenue Canada isn't expecting a little something from Ruddy Inc. That branch of the government hasn't taken notice of this ersatz business arm of the Ruddy Ruddy empire as yet, but other governmental departments continue to mail helpful instructional pamphlets. Take the new one by the Canada-Ontario Business Service Centre, titled "You Have Business Questions? We Can Help!"
I like the use of italics here, particularly in that incredulous first sentence: You have business questions? You? Ruddy Ruddy? Really? But you've always seemed so sure of yourself in all your wheelings and dealings! Your business acumen is known throughout the world of high finance!
But before the pamphlet harps on this point long enough to be accused of rubbing it in and shaming the reader for his ignorance, it enthusiastically springs into action: We can help! No, don't go elsewhere for the answers to your business questions. We've got you covered! Wow! Imagine you asking us!
I don't seem to be able to find an electronic copy of this pamphlet to show you, as I usually try to do, but it doesn't matter. All it tells you how to do is contact the COBSC. So I suppose if you'd been asking the question "How can I contact the COBSC -- you know, for my business?", then I suppose the pamphlet would indeed provide some useful succour. But I've already provided a link to their website, so I'm being at least as helpful as the pamphlet is. When you actually get to their website, it's a different story, of course. It's full of practical info that will surely come in handy should I ever decide to take Ruddy Inc. on the road to profitability.
But the pamphlet itself? Not nearly as helpful as its enthusiasm would indicate. I'm sincerely glad that the accompanying invoice charges Ruddy Inc. precisely zero dollars and cents for it. I'd call it a waste of paper to even include an invoice, but apparently the Inspector #11 who has given it his stamp of approval would disagree. There's big government for you -- not only sending no-charge invoices to fictional companies (of their own devising, I might add, since the folks at the government were the ones who somehow got hold of some mailing list and suddenly decided Ruddy Inc. was a business), but also employing people to scrutinize these invoices and decide, "Yeah, that looks okay."
In summary, I do, in fact, have business questions: Why is the government sending me pamphlets about business? With all this needless waste, is the government going to put itself out of business? And since when is Ruddy Ruddy any of the damn government's business, anyway?
I like the use of italics here, particularly in that incredulous first sentence: You have business questions? You? Ruddy Ruddy? Really? But you've always seemed so sure of yourself in all your wheelings and dealings! Your business acumen is known throughout the world of high finance!
But before the pamphlet harps on this point long enough to be accused of rubbing it in and shaming the reader for his ignorance, it enthusiastically springs into action: We can help! No, don't go elsewhere for the answers to your business questions. We've got you covered! Wow! Imagine you asking us!
I don't seem to be able to find an electronic copy of this pamphlet to show you, as I usually try to do, but it doesn't matter. All it tells you how to do is contact the COBSC. So I suppose if you'd been asking the question "How can I contact the COBSC -- you know, for my business?", then I suppose the pamphlet would indeed provide some useful succour. But I've already provided a link to their website, so I'm being at least as helpful as the pamphlet is. When you actually get to their website, it's a different story, of course. It's full of practical info that will surely come in handy should I ever decide to take Ruddy Inc. on the road to profitability.
But the pamphlet itself? Not nearly as helpful as its enthusiasm would indicate. I'm sincerely glad that the accompanying invoice charges Ruddy Inc. precisely zero dollars and cents for it. I'd call it a waste of paper to even include an invoice, but apparently the Inspector #11 who has given it his stamp of approval would disagree. There's big government for you -- not only sending no-charge invoices to fictional companies (of their own devising, I might add, since the folks at the government were the ones who somehow got hold of some mailing list and suddenly decided Ruddy Inc. was a business), but also employing people to scrutinize these invoices and decide, "Yeah, that looks okay."
In summary, I do, in fact, have business questions: Why is the government sending me pamphlets about business? With all this needless waste, is the government going to put itself out of business? And since when is Ruddy Ruddy any of the damn government's business, anyway?
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