Off hiatus

Hola, amigos! I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but ... well, I've been busy. All is good; I just haven't had much time for the Ruddiness. However, it's a Sunday, and it looks like I can bang out a little update.

And what better way to resume updating than to catch up with our old friends at the Reader Service Center, who, as you'll recall, mailed Ruddy Ruddy some Harlequin Blaze novels and perhaps too optimistically, expected Ruddy Ruddy to mail them money in return. The latest letter comes in a yellow envelope marked "OFFICIAL NOTICE" and says:

THE OFFICIAL NOTICE BELOW REFLECTS THE FACT THAT YOU RECEIVED HARLEQUIN BLAZE BOOKS ON APPROVAL IN OCT. 2003 AND HAVE NOT PAID FOR THEM. THESE BOOKS WERE SENT TO YOU AS A PART OF YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO HARLEQUIN BLAZE. YOUR INDEBTEDNESS TOTALS $ 19.09 AND IS NOW 164 DAYS IN ARREARS.

DEAR RUDDY RUDDY

THIS LETTER IS OFFICIAL NOTICE THAT ON 5-14-04 I MUST SEND THE EQUIVALENT OF A "DELINQUENT DEBTOR REPORT" ON YOU TO OUR COLLECTION CONTROL UNIT.

THE COLLECTION UNIT HAS THE OPTION OF CONTACTING YOU DIRECTLY ABOUT YOUR PASTDUE ACCOUNT OF $19.09 - OR THEY MAY REVIEW YOUR ACCOUNT FOR ACCURACY, THEN TURN IT OVER TO AN INDEPENDENT PROFESSIONAL BILL COLLECTION AGENCY.

THE AGENCY WITH WHOM WE HAVE A CONTRACT, IN TURN AND OF COURSE, ON OUR INSTRUCTIONS MEANS THAT THEY ARE EMPOWERED WITH BY LAW TO EFFECT COLLECTION.

* * * * * *

NOTWITHSTANDING THE ABOVE AND BEFORE THE 05-14-04 DUE DATE, YOU STILL HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY TO CLEAR YOUR DEBT TO THE READER SERVICE - TO, IN EFFECT, REMOVE YOUR DELINQUENCY FROM OUR RECORDS - BY PAYING THE $19.09 YOU OWE IN FULL, NOW.

MY PEOPLE WILL BE ON ALERT FOR YOUR REPLY AND WILL PERSONALLY OVERSEE THE CREDITING OF YOUR ACCOUNT, TO ENSURE NO "DELINQUENT DEBTOR REPORT" ON YOU IS EVER ISSUED.

JUST PLEASE BE SURE TO WRITE YOUR ACCOUNT NUMBER ON YOUR PAYMENT CHECK WHEN REMITTING, AND TO RETURN THIS NOTIFICATION LETTER WITH YOUR PAYMENT.

RESPECTFULLY YOURS,

James R. Nicholson

ACCOUNTS & COMPLIANCE OFFICE.

I have to say that I don't even get some of this. First, the letter talks about sending the equivalent of a "delinquent debtor report" on Ruddy Ruddy. Then, it talks about how payment can ensure that no "delinquent debtor report" is ever filed. Fine, but can they still send the equivalent of one, as was earlier threatened? I smell a trick. It's as if they said, "We're going to shoot you in the head with the equivalent of an arrow. But if you pay, we promise you will not be shot by an arrow." Then, when I paid up, they shot me through the eye with a crossbow bolt. It's not an arrow, technically, but it's a close equivalent.