Mrs or Miss? Tylenol's hit-or-miss approach
In one hand, I have a letter from Tylenol addressed to Miss Ruddy Ruddy. In the other hand, I have a letter from Tylenol that arrived around the same time as the first and is addressed to Mrs. Ruddy Ruddy. (You may ask how I am typing with both hands occupied. To this, I answer: shut up.)
Why is Tylenol having such a hard time figuring out if Ruddy Ruddy is married or not? Are the demographics of Ruddy Ruddy even more complicated than previously thought? To answer, I must open each envelope. Doing so reveals that the letter to Mrs. Ruddy Ruddy is written in English, while the letter to Miss Ruddy Ruddy is written in French.
And so the answer becomes clear: The French refuse to acknowledge the marriage of Ruddy Ruddy. But why? Is it because they refuse to recognize lesbian unions (going by the theory, discussed last time, that Ruddy Ruddy may be a juvenile transgendered lesbian)? Is it because these latters were sent during that brief window of time in which Ontario recognized gay marriage but Quebec didn't?
Or is it because the French are planning to seduce Ruddy Ruddy and therefore choose to address her as a single woman in hopes that she might forget about her husband altogether? This is more likely. The French are both bold and wily as seducers.
But another question arises: Why does this French letter (an actual French letter -- not to be confused with the colloquial French letter, which is a condom) address Ruddy Ruddy as "Miss" and not "Mademoiselle" or "Mlle"? What deception is this, to make a person open an envelope addressed in English, only to find a letter written in French?
And once again: Is Ruddy Ruddy married or not?
Once again, too many questions. All this uncertainty about Ruddy Ruddy's identity is giving me a headache. And if I didn't happen to have two envelopes full of samples of Tylenol right here, that would be a problem.
Why is Tylenol having such a hard time figuring out if Ruddy Ruddy is married or not? Are the demographics of Ruddy Ruddy even more complicated than previously thought? To answer, I must open each envelope. Doing so reveals that the letter to Mrs. Ruddy Ruddy is written in English, while the letter to Miss Ruddy Ruddy is written in French.
And so the answer becomes clear: The French refuse to acknowledge the marriage of Ruddy Ruddy. But why? Is it because they refuse to recognize lesbian unions (going by the theory, discussed last time, that Ruddy Ruddy may be a juvenile transgendered lesbian)? Is it because these latters were sent during that brief window of time in which Ontario recognized gay marriage but Quebec didn't?
Or is it because the French are planning to seduce Ruddy Ruddy and therefore choose to address her as a single woman in hopes that she might forget about her husband altogether? This is more likely. The French are both bold and wily as seducers.
But another question arises: Why does this French letter (an actual French letter -- not to be confused with the colloquial French letter, which is a condom) address Ruddy Ruddy as "Miss" and not "Mademoiselle" or "Mlle"? What deception is this, to make a person open an envelope addressed in English, only to find a letter written in French?
And once again: Is Ruddy Ruddy married or not?
Once again, too many questions. All this uncertainty about Ruddy Ruddy's identity is giving me a headache. And if I didn't happen to have two envelopes full of samples of Tylenol right here, that would be a problem.
3 Comments:
Petey, can you enlighten those of us on the other side of the Atlantic who don't know what Tylenol is? Thank you.
Katherine
I would just like to mention how happy I am to see the return of my dear friend Ruddy. It has been difficult without him. I would also like to say...
I left partway through this post and I don't remember what I wanted to say.
Perhaps you were going to explain to Katherine what Tylenol is.
To clear up the confusion, Kat, it's what you Brits might call an analgesic. Knowing that might have made the last line make mroe sense, but I assumed everybody had Tylenol.
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