Baby, baby
As part of my ongoing efforts to work my way though the backlog of mail, I've opened three new packages sent by Enfamil to Dr. Ruddy Ruddy. I could have spaced them out and opened them separately to make for more updates, but what more do I have to say about Enfamil that I didn't cover last time?
But before I get to the actual contents of the envelopes, I must address something that has increasingly come to puzzle me.
It's difficult to reconcile all the demographic hints I've gotten from various mailers about Ruddy Ruddy. Enfamil says that Ruddy Ruddy is a doctor, while CBH Ministries seems to think Ruddy is a child. Fine -- it's possible Ruddy is some kind of Doogie-Howser-like child prodigy (a theory bolstered by the fact that Doogie Howser, who typed journal entries into his computer at the end of every episode, was a proto-blogger). But what of the Chicken Farmers of Ontario? (More on them in a future update.) As you may recall, they addressed their mail to Mrs. Ruddy Ruddy. Can all this be reconciled? Could Ruddy Ruddy be not only a child prodigy, but also a child bride?
I can work with all that. After all, why wouldn't a genius get married early? Having adult relationships surely goes hand in hand with having an adult intellect, as many an embittered ex-girlfriend has forcefully reminded me.*
But what about the Office of the Commissioner of Official Languages, who addresses mail to Mr. Ruddy Ruddy? (and more on them later too.) Am I to conjecture that Ruddy Ruddy is, in addition to a child bride and a child prodigy, a male-to-female transsexual, and that the government just doesn't have the updated information yet?
Well, sure, why not? Ruddy Ruddy is a doctor, is he/she not? So it stands to reason that if Ruddy were to decide to have "the operation", he/she could probably get it done a lot more easily than most, owing to professional connections and the financial resources afforded by a doctor's salary. And if you're going to have a sex change operation, wouldn't the best time to do it be before puberty? At that point, none of the hormones have really kicked in yet, so a boy could make the transition into womanhood with a brilliant, penetrating castrato singing voice and no fear of future male pattern baldness.
So it's settled: Ruddy Ruddy is a married child doctor who happens to be a male-to-female transsexual. I feel better having worked that out.
Now, as for what's actually in the three Enfamil envelopes. Well, it turns out that two of them are actually exactly the same, so we're really just talking about two envelopes, one of which has a duplicate. One envelope contains some index cards with information on babies aged 0-2 months, and the other two have information on babies aged 3-5 months. For example, at 0-2 months, "your baby may be able to coo and make soft baby sounds", which makes perfect sense, baby sounds being the exact kind of sounds you might expect a baby to make. I wonder how long Enfamil will keep up the program. I'd like to see them send advice on babies aged 180-192 months, discussing such topics as when to let them begin dating.
The bright point is that the two identical envelopes each contain a big, round refrigerator magnet, which I initially mistook for a drink coaster and may end up using for that purpose anyway. The great benefit here is that having two coasters instead of only one means that I can have a friend over for a drink now and then. Enfamil is doing its part to make it easier for me to entertain, which can be particularly hard when you have a baby, as the folks at Enfamil seem to think Ruddy does, unless they think Ruddy is a pediatrician, which makes sense, what with being a doctor and all.
But it seems like they think that Ruddy has the baby, judging by the way all the material is written. It all makes reference to "your baby" and refers explictly to parenthood. So Ruddy Ruddy is apparently a parent.
How does this fit with everything else we know about Ruddy Ruddy? Who had the baby? A post-op Ruddy Ruddy? If so, that sex change operation was a miracle of science. Or was it Ruddy Ruddy's spouse. Is the male-to-female transsexual Ruddy Ruddy married to a female-to-male transsexual (why not? Opposites attract) who was the one who birthed the child? Or is Ruddy Ruddy in fact married to an actual woman? Lesbian weddings are legal in Canada now, after all.
Thinking about this is starting to make my brain hurt. Maybe it was better before when I didn't know anything about who or what Ruddy Ruddy was.
*Not really true. I mean, like I could possibly have many a girlfriend to start with.
But before I get to the actual contents of the envelopes, I must address something that has increasingly come to puzzle me.
It's difficult to reconcile all the demographic hints I've gotten from various mailers about Ruddy Ruddy. Enfamil says that Ruddy Ruddy is a doctor, while CBH Ministries seems to think Ruddy is a child. Fine -- it's possible Ruddy is some kind of Doogie-Howser-like child prodigy (a theory bolstered by the fact that Doogie Howser, who typed journal entries into his computer at the end of every episode, was a proto-blogger). But what of the Chicken Farmers of Ontario? (More on them in a future update.) As you may recall, they addressed their mail to Mrs. Ruddy Ruddy. Can all this be reconciled? Could Ruddy Ruddy be not only a child prodigy, but also a child bride?
I can work with all that. After all, why wouldn't a genius get married early? Having adult relationships surely goes hand in hand with having an adult intellect, as many an embittered ex-girlfriend has forcefully reminded me.*
But what about the Office of the Commissioner of Official Languages, who addresses mail to Mr. Ruddy Ruddy? (and more on them later too.) Am I to conjecture that Ruddy Ruddy is, in addition to a child bride and a child prodigy, a male-to-female transsexual, and that the government just doesn't have the updated information yet?
Well, sure, why not? Ruddy Ruddy is a doctor, is he/she not? So it stands to reason that if Ruddy were to decide to have "the operation", he/she could probably get it done a lot more easily than most, owing to professional connections and the financial resources afforded by a doctor's salary. And if you're going to have a sex change operation, wouldn't the best time to do it be before puberty? At that point, none of the hormones have really kicked in yet, so a boy could make the transition into womanhood with a brilliant, penetrating castrato singing voice and no fear of future male pattern baldness.
So it's settled: Ruddy Ruddy is a married child doctor who happens to be a male-to-female transsexual. I feel better having worked that out.
Now, as for what's actually in the three Enfamil envelopes. Well, it turns out that two of them are actually exactly the same, so we're really just talking about two envelopes, one of which has a duplicate. One envelope contains some index cards with information on babies aged 0-2 months, and the other two have information on babies aged 3-5 months. For example, at 0-2 months, "your baby may be able to coo and make soft baby sounds", which makes perfect sense, baby sounds being the exact kind of sounds you might expect a baby to make. I wonder how long Enfamil will keep up the program. I'd like to see them send advice on babies aged 180-192 months, discussing such topics as when to let them begin dating.
The bright point is that the two identical envelopes each contain a big, round refrigerator magnet, which I initially mistook for a drink coaster and may end up using for that purpose anyway. The great benefit here is that having two coasters instead of only one means that I can have a friend over for a drink now and then. Enfamil is doing its part to make it easier for me to entertain, which can be particularly hard when you have a baby, as the folks at Enfamil seem to think Ruddy does, unless they think Ruddy is a pediatrician, which makes sense, what with being a doctor and all.
But it seems like they think that Ruddy has the baby, judging by the way all the material is written. It all makes reference to "your baby" and refers explictly to parenthood. So Ruddy Ruddy is apparently a parent.
How does this fit with everything else we know about Ruddy Ruddy? Who had the baby? A post-op Ruddy Ruddy? If so, that sex change operation was a miracle of science. Or was it Ruddy Ruddy's spouse. Is the male-to-female transsexual Ruddy Ruddy married to a female-to-male transsexual (why not? Opposites attract) who was the one who birthed the child? Or is Ruddy Ruddy in fact married to an actual woman? Lesbian weddings are legal in Canada now, after all.
Thinking about this is starting to make my brain hurt. Maybe it was better before when I didn't know anything about who or what Ruddy Ruddy was.
*Not really true. I mean, like I could possibly have many a girlfriend to start with.
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