Collectcorp sends some collectcrap
Well, it's been a while since we've heard from Harlequin and the Reader Service. But of course, them having passed the issue of Ruddy Ruddy's putative debt on to Collectcorp, we're not likely to hear from them again. They've washed their hands of Ruddy Ruddy, and good riddance. ("And the same to you, fellas!" Ruddy Ruddy might say if he existed.)
But it is with delight that I open today's nondescript envelope to find a letter from Collectcorp. Frankly, I thought the Reader Service was just dropping Collectcorp's name as a scare tactic, but it seems like they do indeed have a working relationship. And I rejoice at the idea that no less than three companies have wasted their time trying to shake down an imaginary person for an imaginary debt of $19.09. Even the return envelope is utterly blank.
A question comes to mind, however: Why are letters from collection agencies -- assuming this one to be an average one -- nondescript? This one is plain white, offers no name to go along with the return address, and is merely marked "FIRST CLASS" AND "PERSONAL & CONFIDENTIAL" on the front.
Why not conspicuously show itself off? Why not have the name of the collection agency blazing from the envelope in 48-point type? Why not use bold yellow type on black paper? And why not stamp "PAY NOW, DEADBEAT!" on the front? Not only would such a letter be harder to ignore -- you could hardly accidentally (or deliberately) fail to notice that you'd gotten a letter from a collection agency -- but it would also shame you in front of the mailman and the community and send the message that you could count on being exposed to opprobrium with every future letter until you'd made restitution. Who cares what the mailman thinks, you ask? Everyone. It's the reason porn magazines are mailed out in plain brown wrappers. Even perverts care what the mailman thinks.
But what's the letter inside say, you ask? Here you go:
I love that -- "Govern yourself accordingly." It's such a threatening warning, as in, "Watch what you say and do in the days ahead, for ever-vigilant eyes are upon you, and you shall be weighed on the scales of justice."
Actually, I kind of like that. I wouldn't mind getting a job at Collectcorp and writing threatening, semi-mystical collection letters that sound like they're coming from a dark, shadowy organization like the Freemasons or Cigarette-Smoking Man and his co-conspirators on The X-Files or maybe even a Cthulhu cult. I'd also like to deliver them via a note wrapped around a brick hurled through the recipient's window.
I wonder: Does the mysterious Mr Breithaupt actually exist? I mean, if you were picking a nom de plume under which to write intimidating letters, you could do worse than to pick one with slightly sinister Germanic overtones. "Herr Breithaupt" might be going a little far, but the surname alone gives a very subtle suggestion that the guy writing these letters just might be a former concentration camp commandant. Naturally, Breithaupt doesn't get a first name (we're not on a first-name basis) but I like to imagine that it's Horst.
But a gem from the letter that hasn't been mentioned is that there's still time to protect Ruddy Ruddy's credit rating. I'd love to actually run a credit check on Ruddy Ruddy and see what his credit rating is actually like, if he has one. It would be humiliating if it were better than mine, though.
Govern yourself accordingly.
But it is with delight that I open today's nondescript envelope to find a letter from Collectcorp. Frankly, I thought the Reader Service was just dropping Collectcorp's name as a scare tactic, but it seems like they do indeed have a working relationship. And I rejoice at the idea that no less than three companies have wasted their time trying to shake down an imaginary person for an imaginary debt of $19.09. Even the return envelope is utterly blank.
A question comes to mind, however: Why are letters from collection agencies -- assuming this one to be an average one -- nondescript? This one is plain white, offers no name to go along with the return address, and is merely marked "FIRST CLASS" AND "PERSONAL & CONFIDENTIAL" on the front.
Why not conspicuously show itself off? Why not have the name of the collection agency blazing from the envelope in 48-point type? Why not use bold yellow type on black paper? And why not stamp "PAY NOW, DEADBEAT!" on the front? Not only would such a letter be harder to ignore -- you could hardly accidentally (or deliberately) fail to notice that you'd gotten a letter from a collection agency -- but it would also shame you in front of the mailman and the community and send the message that you could count on being exposed to opprobrium with every future letter until you'd made restitution. Who cares what the mailman thinks, you ask? Everyone. It's the reason porn magazines are mailed out in plain brown wrappers. Even perverts care what the mailman thinks.
But what's the letter inside say, you ask? Here you go:
Default and Recovery Division
Collectcorp Inc.
514 Yonge Street, Suite 700
Toronto, Ontario, M5B 2E7
July 31, 2004
RE: HARLEQUIN ENTERPRISES
Account No.: 604987842 350
Amount Owing : $19.09
Case Number : 01-042121218
MANDATORY PROCEEDINGS NOTICE
You are hereby notified that all proceedings are ready in accordance with issuing a statement of claim in regards to the above account.
If you intend to avoid the possible expense of legal action it is imperative that we receive your certified cheque, money order or Visa/Mastercard payment within 48 hours. There is still time to protect your credit rating.
Notify us immediately of your intention.
Govern yourself accordingly,
MR BREITHAUPT
I love that -- "Govern yourself accordingly." It's such a threatening warning, as in, "Watch what you say and do in the days ahead, for ever-vigilant eyes are upon you, and you shall be weighed on the scales of justice."
Actually, I kind of like that. I wouldn't mind getting a job at Collectcorp and writing threatening, semi-mystical collection letters that sound like they're coming from a dark, shadowy organization like the Freemasons or Cigarette-Smoking Man and his co-conspirators on The X-Files or maybe even a Cthulhu cult. I'd also like to deliver them via a note wrapped around a brick hurled through the recipient's window.
I wonder: Does the mysterious Mr Breithaupt actually exist? I mean, if you were picking a nom de plume under which to write intimidating letters, you could do worse than to pick one with slightly sinister Germanic overtones. "Herr Breithaupt" might be going a little far, but the surname alone gives a very subtle suggestion that the guy writing these letters just might be a former concentration camp commandant. Naturally, Breithaupt doesn't get a first name (we're not on a first-name basis) but I like to imagine that it's Horst.
But a gem from the letter that hasn't been mentioned is that there's still time to protect Ruddy Ruddy's credit rating. I'd love to actually run a credit check on Ruddy Ruddy and see what his credit rating is actually like, if he has one. It would be humiliating if it were better than mine, though.
Govern yourself accordingly.
25 Comments:
Loving the updates, man. I printed off the last six updates (comes out to about 16 pages) and read it on my lunch hour. Powerfully funny stuff.
And I love you, mysterious stranger!
Man, I which Blogger would start allowing a space for names (or even URLs) in the comments.
Love your stuff going on. Found you through Jay Pinkerton ... good man. I didn't know Toronto was so chock full of hilarity.
As a result of your latest entry, though, I've vowed to end every conversation with "Govern yourself accordingly", before shouting a salute to the everlasting reign of the Third Reich and the glory of the German people. Then I get arrested.
- Gloria
"Govern yourself accordingly" deserves to be the new catchphrase that sweeps the nation.
Hi. My name is Sarah and I'm posting anonymously because I don't have an account, and have too many freakin accounts on other sites.
Anyway, back to the point here. I work in Toronto doing credit checks for leases. I could check out Ruddy if you gave me a little info.
I've been following this for awhile and it'd definitely be interesting to see his credit rating.
"Govern yourself accordingly" is hilarious!!
Sarah, you present an intriguing proposition, but what kind of information would be needed?
The only details I really know about Ruddy Ruddy is the name (which you already know) and the mailing address (which I've avoided putting on the site, as it's not-so-coincidentally my mailing address). Everything else, most notably the sex and marital status of Ruddy Ruddy, seems to be up in the air, with each junk-mailer making up its own opinions about these matters.
If we could do a credit check based on just the name and address, then that would work. Any other information, we'd just have to make up. Could we get away with that?
All that would be needed is name and address. I suppose you could email this info to me, or I can email you...
Either way.
Okay, Sarah, I'll bite. E-mail me at peterjlynn@yahoo.com, and I'll give you Ruddy Ruddy's address.
Very funny stuff!
How did Ruddy Ruddy obtain $19 worth of credit from Harlequin? Did you pose as this fictional person and sign documents using the Ruddy Ruddy name?
I think this link should clear that up.
Unfortunately MR. BREITHAUPT's first name is not Horst. It is Bob. Just thought I would put you on a first name basis with him and make the Collectcorp employees that read this site nercous :)
Collectcorp employees read this website?!
I feel bad for the employess there. I mean imagine living day to day being the one thing everyone hates, the one thing that pisses people off the most. a debt collector. whats funny though. is that these people are just regualar shmoes with no college or anything. they just applied at a call center and get hired and went through maybe 3 weeks of training. So really its a bunch of under-achievers harrassing you for payments.
Ive dealt with CollectCorps lying scam artists twice for fake bills.
The most recent was a lying pig named "Miss Norman" telling me I owe for a phone bill that wasnt mine from Bell + the 100$ canellation fee. This moron got her lies mixed up, its Rogers that has the canellation fee.
What an idiot.
For your information... I LOVE my Job. On the contrary to all my past customer service jobs, here I can tell you DEAD BEATS what ever the HELL I PLEASE and dont get told A WORD for IT... THATS RIGHT!!!! PAY YOUR BILLS DEAD BEATS!
maybe if you paid your bills they would not call and harass you for the money!! Honestly I dont think you can say all bill collectors are under acheivers. Dont be so ignorant anyways, just pay your bills on time.
And govern yourself accordingly
I think most of us do pay our bills. Its the half whit mongloloids at Collectcorp who cant get SIN's right, or dont understand how to dial a phone number and somehow manage to screw that up repeatedly - you have to be pretty stupid to keep dialing a wrong number or think that the person theyre looking for just might show up if I call 3 times per day - morons!
Granted, there ARE people who dont pay their bills but does that mean everyone else should be harrassed by semi retarded collection agents from Collectcorp looking to make a quick buck of honest workers with real jobs?
Just because you have a pretty collector button on your shirt doesnt give you the right to be a lowlife scamming a$$hole!!! Cheers!!
"I think most of us do pay our bills. Its the half whit mongloloids at Collectcorp who cant get SIN's right, or dont understand how to dial a phone number and somehow manage to screw that up repeatedly - you have to be pretty stupid to keep dialing a wrong number or think that the person theyre looking for just might show up if I call 3 times per day - morons!"
Look at it from the collector's perspective. Do you know how many times a day they get people lying to them about the wrong numbers?
In most cases if you spend some time (maybe 5 mins) verifying some info, they will take your number off the file.
As an ex-employee of Collectcorp, I can tell you that Mr Breithaupt most likely does not exist. On smaller balance files it is typical that a false name be used as those files are worked mostly by automated dialers rather than a real collection agent. As for the plain white envelope, that is actually required by law. Unfortunatly times have changed and publicly humiliating debters is now frowned upon by the Ministry of Finance. All the letters follow the same template, their are typicaly a series of 4 or 5 leters that go out only the balance and company the debt is owed to change. A little tip for you all as well. There is a reason collection agencies only dance around the idea of legal action and never flat out say they will sue you. If the creditor was planning to sue you over your debt, it never would have gone to collections anyway. Always ask for a settlement if you are in collections. They will offer you 80%, fight harder and with a little paperwork you can get a settlement closer to 60%.
I googled "Collectcorp" because I received a call from them today, at work. That is how I found you. I am in the United States, not Canada, but I have noticed a lot of frustration from both countires. I thought it was a scam at first, but the debt they called about is legit...and by the way, I am not a DEADBEAT who does not pay my bills. The debt in question are student loans that I was under the impression were on deferment because I do not make enough money now that I have a "degree" to pay them back. So F U all those who felt they had to be so rude! Plus just because you are a debt collector does not mean you can say whatever you want to someone struggling...there is never a reason to be hateful and unprofessional.
So, I get this call by what seemed like "my good buddy Mike". He and his "supervisor" ended up keeping me on the phone for over an hour explaining that if I did not agree to make this payment now, my account would go to garnishment and my wages would be attacked. I asked if there were any other options, like the simply clarifying whether the loans are actually on deferment??? And why had I not received informtion from the prior holder regarding the default? Can we investigate this, rather than me? I was told that nothing can be done at this time, it is too late. If I did not agree they would set up the garnishment. I felt trapped! What do I do??? I cannot afford them stripping money from my account! I don't make enough as it is, how can I afford this extra cost. AUGH! Also, it was very interesting that they told me the last contact informtion they had for me was Southern California, yet they called me in Northern California...funny that they could find me when there is "no more time" but they did not attempt to put as much effort into tracking me down before it became so dire. I'm at a loss....
Needless to say, I have some phone calls to make to find out what happened, but in the mean time, I am trying to muster up all the money I can to start paying these loans back...anyone want to buy Passion Party Products????
Thanks for letting me vent. Have a great weekend.
"govern yourself accordingly" is a sentence found in masonic initiation ritual.
Hiram of Biff.
To all those who work for Collectcorp and have made comments about deadbeats etc, maybe you should look at the idiots you work/worked for. I've talked to at least 5 people about this company who had gotten calls about debts owed that they never even had.
In my case, Collectcorp called me about a Bank of America account that I have never missed a payment on. When I told them I needed to talk to BoA about it, they told me it was illegal to talk to BoA now.
I call BS. I called BoA they said "Yes, we see that you have made all your payments." I call Collectcorp back, they yell and scream at me about calling BoA and then say it doesn't matter what they said, I owe 3000+ to them by the following day and they don't care how I get it.
I work in a company where I am calling people everday, I have NEVER even THOUGHT about talking to people the way these people talked to me. It doesn't matter if they owe or not, be professional.
Oh, one thing I forgot to add, when Collectcorp called, they called my mother's cell phone. No she didn't sign me up for the card, and I haven't lived with her for over 4 years, and she's only had the cell phone number for 2...
collectcorps is STILL at it as of april 15, 2008.
got a call saying i owed bell canada well over a thousand dollars.
lmfao! i haven't missed a bell bill payment since i was 12 years old!
i'm filing a complaint at recol.ca. i suggest that anyone who gets a call from collectcorps do the same.
cheers.
I just got a call from Collectcorp saying I owed $250.00 on a Chase Card I never owned. I have never had an account with Chase(confirmed by three departments in Chase) and Collectcorp will not provide any documentation about the charges. To make matters worse, when I've tried to contact Chase Card security to inform them of the fraud,I get cut off. And to make it even better, my wife got a call the next day with the same line from Collectcorp with the exact line. She never had an account either....Beware of this company
To keep within the law they use other names, including Alliance One, so they double up on the calls allowed within a certain time period. Seems that "Mr. Nixon" works for both companies. Hearing that kind of scared me because my elementary school had a principal named Nixon who was a pedophile, was run out of town and apparently ended up in Toronto (a very true story from a small town in northern Alberta where I lived as a child). I wouldn't want to imply they are the same person but what kind of work could a pedophile teacher expect to get?
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