Beware, Baby Ruddy
I got this letter -- which comes from Mead Johnson Nutritionals -- last Wednesday, August 18. Remember that.
(Not one, but two photos follow.)
Well, Ruddy Ruddy did in fact get sent a set of these flashcards by Enfamil. And this warning is probably the best customer service that Ruddy Ruddy has yet received, in that it's trying to help rather than to extort money.
However, it took almost a month for the letter to arrive. That's plenty of time for a baby to choke on a broken set of flash cards. Surely any baby's life is worth the few extra cents it would cost for such a letter to be sent by priority courier. Even the creepy talking infants in Baby Geniuses don't deserve deaths resulting from such egregious negligence.
I have half a mind to complain, and if I were Ruddy Ruddy, I could write the following e-mail without lying at all:
IMPORTANT SAFETY NOTICE
July 20, 2004
Dear Valued Customer,
Our records indicate that you were sent a set of Enfamil A+ Visual Flash Cards from Mead Johnson Nutritionals.In the U.S. we have received a few consumer reports of damaged flash cards or of the ring breaking. No reports from Canadian consumers have been received.
Because we will not take chances with the safety of our consumers, we are asking that you PLEASE DISCARD THE VISUAL FLASH CARDS IMMEDIATELY. To help you identify the item, please see the photograph of the Visual Flash Cards below.
(Not one, but two photos follow.)
We appreciate having you as a consumer. If you have questions about the Visual Flash Cards or any of our infant formulas, please call us at 1-800-361-6323 or email us at mjncrc@bms.com.
Kind regards,
Carol Lynn Berseth, MD
Director, Medical Affairs North America
Mead Johnson & Company
Well, Ruddy Ruddy did in fact get sent a set of these flashcards by Enfamil. And this warning is probably the best customer service that Ruddy Ruddy has yet received, in that it's trying to help rather than to extort money.
However, it took almost a month for the letter to arrive. That's plenty of time for a baby to choke on a broken set of flash cards. Surely any baby's life is worth the few extra cents it would cost for such a letter to be sent by priority courier. Even the creepy talking infants in Baby Geniuses don't deserve deaths resulting from such egregious negligence.
I have half a mind to complain, and if I were Ruddy Ruddy, I could write the following e-mail without lying at all:
Dear Mead Johnson,
Thank you for your letter of warning. Unfortunately, your message was late in arriving. My child is now not alive.
Sincerely,
Ruddy Ruddy
6 Comments:
I want more Ryddy Ruddy stories, now!
Please?
Thank you for the funny, Ruddy Ruddy.
-a bored librarian from Finland
Finland?! Really?! Outstanding!
I'll see if I can come up with a little something for you. Of course, if I thought you were connected with the poor showing your hockey team made against Germany this weekend at the World Cup, I'd say you didn't deserve it.
You're right, that was a shitty game against Germany. Even Kiprusoff can't save us if they play like that in the semifinal game.
However, I am not aware of being connected in any way to the level of performace of our hockey team, so I think I actually might deserve some more Ruddy Ruddy. I hope you trust my word, and do the right thing...
-a bored librarian from Finland
Kiprusoff carried the hopes of Canada (in the form of the Calgary Flames, of course) right through to the Stanley Cup final, and so you get an update. You would have had one yesterday, but Blogger was being a jerk and wouldn't let me update.
What do y'all think of Finland now?
I think they're pretty great, though if Canada gets by the Czechs tonight, I may want them to die, die, die next Tuesday.
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